“This core belief deeply impacted my first years of mothering. My fear of inadequacy and insecurity in the face of challenges was surely felt by my son. It’s like a snake eating its tail. Sometimes it felt like there was a glass between us. Where my husband had a delightful, easy relationship with my son, he and I felt … off. Paradoxically, we also felt so close it was as though we were fused into one. It was as if I couldn’t find him even though he was right in front of me.”
I just finished reading The Wreckage of My Presence, a collection of essays by Casey Wilson, and this paragraph sums up, more than maybe anything else I’ve ever read or been able to articulate myself, how I felt during the first few months of new motherhood. I have so much compassion now for the woman I was then.