On Failure

I felt like a failure today, not only at work but at being your mom. I was late to and distracted in meetings, and unable to give you my full attention.

You woke up with a runny nose. You were babbling away when we scooped you out of your crib, and didn’t have a fever, but we’re still brand new parents and there’s still a pandemic, so we kept you home from daycare.

After you’d grabbed your third fistful of dirt from our fig leaf fiddle tree and (successfully) drank from the dog’s bowl, while spilling the water all over the kitchen, I almost lost my temper before seeing the expectant expression on your sweet, snot-covered face. You were proud of drinking out of your brothers cup!

What I’ll remember about today, as your mom:

On our afternoon walk, I picked a yellow flower and handed it to you. We both marveled at its vibrant yellow color. You smiled and held it out to me to kiss.

You just learned to jump and so we jumped together until you laughed so hard you gave yourself the hiccups.

What I’ll remember about today, as a woman with a career:

My agency released an important campaign about breastfeeding.

Some of my team knew it was a hard week, and sent me rosé and Tartine croissants.

Maybe I need to reassess what failure looks like?

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