Mutually Exclusive

Photo by Rob and Julia Campbell for Stocksy

Motherhood is full of high highs and low lows, and it seems it’s only socially acceptable to talk about the high highs, or, if you’re confessing to feeling a low, quickly caveat it by saying how lucky you are.

But the thing is, you can feel both the high highs and the low lows at the same time – they aren’t mutually exclusive.

I can be happy to do our sweet bedtime routine and settle in on the couch with the baby monitor in full view, while also mourning the loss of a Saturday night out with friends.

I can be grateful that my body carried my sweet baby boy, while also resenting the loose skin around my middle.

I can hate pumping while still feeling grateful for my ability to breastfeed.

I can feel overwhelmed at the amount of laundry and cleaning while still marveling at his tiny socks and rainbow-colored toys.

I can resent being the one to do the bedtime routine while also savoring the moments alone with my son.

When William was just a few weeks old and was still getting used to his big new world, it was isolating to hear his constant crying and feel like I couldn’t talk about it. Why did I feel like admitting that his wails were wearing on me would somehow take away from my delight at my tiny human? Of course, I love him. Of course, there were amazing moments. But hearing him cry was exhausting and emotional and just hard.

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