Motherhood is full of high highs and low lows, and it seems it’s only socially acceptable to talk about the high highs, or, if you’re confessing to feeling a low, quickly caveat it by saying how lucky you are.
But the thing is, you can feel both the high highs and the low lows at the same time – they aren’t mutually exclusive.
I can be happy to do our sweet bedtime routine and settle in on the couch with the baby monitor in full view, while also mourning the loss of a Saturday night out with friends.
I can be grateful that my body carried my sweet baby boy, while also resenting the loose skin around my middle.
I can hate pumping while still feeling grateful for my ability to breastfeed.
I can feel overwhelmed at the amount of laundry and cleaning while still marveling at his tiny socks and rainbow-colored toys.
I can resent being the one to do the bedtime routine while also savoring the moments alone with my son.
When William was just a few weeks old and was still getting used to his big new world, it was isolating to hear his constant crying and feel like I couldn’t talk about it. Why did I feel like admitting that his wails were wearing on me would somehow take away from my delight at my tiny human? Of course, I love him. Of course, there were amazing moments. But hearing him cry was exhausting and emotional and just hard.